The Times, 4 October, 1665.

Man killed by tree

A most tragic event was reported yesterday when a man was found dead beneath an apple tree. The young man, Mr Isaac Newton, was said to have had a promising future and excelled particularly in the sciences and mathematics.

Mr Newton was apparently relaxing in the shade of the tree from the surprising warmth of the autumn Sun and enjoying the peace and quiet of the surrounding area. Upon discovering the body the gardener called the local physician who rushed to the scene, but alas to no avail. Mr Newton's head had received a bruise to the forehead, possibly caused by a falling apple. It appears that the surprise resulting from this event caused the young man to topple backwards where he received fatal knock to the back of his head.

The gardener attested that the apple tree has never posed any danger in the past and was unlikely to be cut down.

Pennsylvania Gazette, 29 June, 1752.

Storm claims one life

This newspaper is sad to report the death of its former editor Mr Benjamin Franklin. Mr Franklin died after being struck by lightning during a storm near his home. Police say that nobody else was involved in the death and they are not looking for anyone in connection with their enquiries.

The circumstances surrounding the death are somewhat mysterious. It seems that Mr Franklin was attempting to fly a kite during the storm. Whether the storm blew up while the kite flying was in progress is not known. Locals say that the area is popular among kite flyers because of the wide open spaces, but that flying a kite during a storm is not generally regarded as a good idea. The main problem would be the kite being caught by the strong winds and carried away or destroyed. In this case it was the lightning that proved fatal.

There have been suggestions of foul play. The strangest part of the puzzle is the fact that Mr Franklin's door key was tied to the end of the string. Experts among the kite flying community have theorised that the handle for the kite had been broken and Mr Franklin had improvised with a key. It seems unlikely that the key could have become tangled by accident. Others suggest that someone had taken the key and tied it to the kite as a prank and that, in fact, Mr Franklin was trying to recover said key when the tragic accident occurred. A darker rumour is that Mr Franklin tied the key himself in a symbolic gesture to rid himself of earthly possessions. A rumour of suicide was quickly denied.

Whatever the outcome of the case proves to be, the newspaper industry has lost a great figure in Mr Franklin.

The Detroit News, 4 November, 1863.

Apprentice in railway death

A sixteen-year-old apprentice telegrapher was killed yesterday after being hit by a train that passed through the station where he worked. The young man, Thomas Alva Edison, known to all as Alva, was a popular figure among the staff in the telegrapher's office. He had only worked there for a short time, but was described by colleagues as a quick learner and full of ideas for improving the network.

Railway deaths are a sad part of modern life, but this story has an extra twist that makes this young man's death yet more tragic. Alva Edison was hard of hearing. His colleagues noted that this did not affect his work, but presumably affected his ability to notice the train bearing down as he crossed the track. Those at the scene said there was nothing to be done for the young man.

An ironic end to this story is that the details of the accident were transmitted to this newspaper from the very office where Mr Edison worked. It's another instance that illustrates how life must go on despite tragedies that surround us.

Jachymov Chronicle, 15 July, 1895.

Tragic end to honeymoon

The calm and reflective atmosphere of the town of Jachymov was shattered yesterday when a young French couple were found drowned in a natural spring pool in the hills nearby. The couple, Pierre and Marie Curie, were on their honeymoon from their home in Paris. The exact causes of the accident remain a mystery.

The couple had kept to themselves while in the town, a popular destination for holidaymakers. Many people come here to benefit from the restorative spa waters, but this time the waters were anything but healthy. Those few people who had spoken to the Curies reported that the couple seemed as interested in the rocks as in the water. Apparently they claim that the local pitchblende rocks contain special properties that they were interested in investigating. The couple both worked as scientists.

Locals who are knowledgeable about the spa waters say that indeed the special properties of the waters do come from the rocks. It is these minerals that provide the many health benefits to be had from taking the waters. Local businessmen plan to petition the Mayor to prevent scientists from studying the area, fearing that the water's properties could be reproduced elsewhere.

The Mayor of Jachymov spoke about the tragedy yesterday and assured locals and visitors alike that the spa waters are safe. He encouraged people not to let the isolated incident affect their lives adversely.

The Zurich Tribune, 17 March, 1902.

Asylum patient appeal denied

An appeal by an asylum patient that he should be released on the grounds that he is, in fact, a genius, was turned down by the medical review board. The patient, Mr Albert Einstein, has been in the asylum in Zurich for several months after being reported by colleagues at the Zurich Polytechnic. Like most patients, Mr Einstein denied the charges, but was taken to the asylum for observation.

Former colleagues were called to the hearing where they testified to Mr Einstein's eccentric nature. They affirmed that his theories and arguments had become more and more ludicrous in the face of the concerted criticism of other scientists. Asked for specific examples, Mr Einstein's colleagues reported such wild ideas as light being able to bend round corners, time moving at different speeds in different parts of the world and that solid objects could emit light. Even while such ridiculous ideas were jeered by onlookers, the stricken Mr Einstein insisted from his chair that they were true. Eventually the judge had Mr Einstein removed from the hearing because of the fuss he was causing.

Staff from the asylum were next called to testify and they confirmed that the patient spends most of his time scribbling unintelligible notes and diagrams. Some of these notes were shown to scientists from the polytechnic who conformed that they were indeed gibberish. On the basis of this combined evidence the appeal was turned down and the patient confined to the asylum for a minimum of a further two years. The papers were ordered destroyed.

Stuttgart Zeitung, 11 November, 1921

Cat mystery solved

A man was arrested last night and charged with theft and animal cruelty. Professor Erwin Schrödinger, a scientist, had only recently moved to the city. Neighbours say that he was a quiet man and kept to himself. Over the past few weeks, neighbours also noticed that their cats had started to disappear. It was only after at least a dozen had vanished that a connection was made and the neighbourhood began to be alarmed. The thefts were eventually reported to the police. Officers looked into the case, but gave the missing cats low priority. It was not until neighbours heard mewling noises from Schrödinger's house that their suspicions were aroused.

Police were refused entry, but eventually forced their way inside. The scene that greeted them in Professor Schrödinger's basement shocked even hardened police officers. Several dead cats were found in the basement, evidently poisoned. Other cats were locked into cramped boxes with jars of acid. Schrodinger claimed that the cats were part of a scientific experiment. Several items of scientific apparatus were found within the basement and some of these were connected to the boxes.

Accusations of witchcraft were made by some neighbours, especially when the professor claimed that he was trying to determine whether a cat could be alive and dead at the same time.

Enquiries at the institute where Professor Schrödinger works revealed that the scientific apparatus had been removed without authorisation and that Schrödinger was to be summarily dismissed.

The Times, 1 January, 2000.

London's millennial celebrations

The gas-lit streets were alive with revellers last night for the biggest party of the millennium. The celebrations involved a spectacular firework display, including the largest rocket ever to be detonated. Organisers say that it was the most powerful device ever to be launched from the surface of the Earth. They theorised that if a rocket with enough power could ever be built it might one day be able to leave the planet's atmosphere.

The new radium-coated face of Big Ben shone out across London as the clock struck midnight and crowds cheered and sang their way into the new year. The lord mayor of London read out celebratory telegraphs that had been received from the colonies in Africa and America.

The Times remains the only source to get the latest news on this story and others from across the Empire.

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